Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
