Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
