went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
