I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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