I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
