I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
smell my finger.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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