sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
