do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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