...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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