I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
