i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
