you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ok first of all what the fuck
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