She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
