i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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