Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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