It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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