i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
