I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize