my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
