Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
