Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
