dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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