did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
