Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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