so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
