paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
