but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
