Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
