Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize