I puked a lego.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
