It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
