I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
