covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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