The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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