Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
