you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
