That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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