I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
