Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
