my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Still dying that you shit outside
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
