He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
