hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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