What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
