and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
