When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
