Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
