what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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