We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
