Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
