Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
