Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
