is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
