Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
