Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
