DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
