in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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