Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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