These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
