"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize