Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
