yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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