DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
