i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize