yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
