i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
