She said her name was "party"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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