I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
