she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
