she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
