then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
