Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
