I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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