What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
