Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
