i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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