If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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