I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
only you would photoshop your dick
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
