I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
