I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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