bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
