i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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