Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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