I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
