Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
