i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
