look no pants
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
