no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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