Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
