she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
