that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
